Tankar, Vackert

Dispersed and Vulnerable

Back in Sweden after a wonderful time with close friends in Montreal, Canada.

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So grateful for having these persons in my life and the fact that I can travel and see the world. I was really nervous before leaving but it turned out to be better than I imagined. Very often the case when you worry…

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Now, the last days in Sweden, my head has been spinning from jetlag and airplane bumps – the feeling of not walking on solid ground and wiggling about… Emotions and thoughts from the past has been rising like waves of heat, burning but not making any marks. Breathing it out, it comes back again. Feeling trapped. Breathing the feeling and thought of being trapped out as well. Reminding my body to relax, again and again. It’s all part of me. My strengths, my fears.

And then on the opposite side of the scale – being a mother. Love and warmth. Still hard to grasp motherhood. How to get it all harmoniously together. I think the word harmoniously can be dropped, just simply getting it all in, feeling it all, being with it all.

The future planning of parental leave, my passion for teaching yoga and all the different aspects of life, being a human being. Whether or not to choose a ”normal” job on the side or just focus on the passion. Excitement for projects that are materializing – yoga workshops, courses, PT, the feminine, cycles, hormones, mixing golf with yoga… My own yoga practice with inversions, arm balances… All this making me so happy, energized, boosted, wanting to dance and jump, feeling vibratingly alive.

How can you feel, think and be so much at one time – dispersed, confusing, happy, sad, panicky, helpless, passionately enthusiastic and curious. And like the hurricane, in the midst of it all, I’m kind of calm. Very strange.

I think you could sum it up by saying that I’m feeling vulnerable at the moment. And if you believe Brené Brown it is the birthplace of a love and belonging – if you embrace it.

Embracing.

Might be squeezing a bit. Relaxing again.

Ok, I’m embracing my vulnerability. I’m fine. I’m worthy of love and belonging.

And so are we all.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

 

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